poker face

so... here i am, wondering once again what the hell is going on in my head. I really hate disappointing people, but still trying to learn to do the right thing. I was somehow proud of being able to hide what i feel, now it seems it's not that cool =s but doesn't showing it doesn't mean it isn't there!

i have this bunch of stupid random useless ideas that i just need to take out, although they probably dont make any sense... it's kind of stupid to hope for someone to know me if i don't even show the real me. it's also interesting to see how your life goes according to the original plan, and how hard it is to change its course. well, i guess time will eventually decide, but just for a change it would be nice to have it your way at least once.

who knows, maybe things happen the way they do because of the circumstances and blaming it on the situation is just irrational. maybe all the mistakes i regret making helped to make this work, and even perhaps the hateful poker face had its part in making this possible. i guess i wouldn't change a thing, but of course i wish i had control!

unfortunately (sometimes) life goes on, and it won't wait until i'm finished groaning... i gotta keep walking, changing, learning, living as if today was the last chance i have to make a difference in the world (that goes for you too). And yes, maybe i'll hide my feelings and thoughts and keep wise distance and you won't know what's going on, but i can assure there's a whole lot of things happeing behind this shield.